It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, I feel bad for not being more consistent. To be honest I’ve been struggling on what to talk about. Life has been crazy. I feel like just getting my thoughts straight has been difficult. Pinpointing what I want to focus on is hazy. But on Sunday while in church, I realized something. I knew that this is what God wanted me to talk about on here.

So, the title is healing takes time. Whether you are healing from a divorce, breakup, or the loss of a loved one, healing takes time. This applies to the loss of a family member, friend, or even a child. My healing is coming in a different form. If you’ve ever been hurt by the church, you understand where I’m coming from.

I am a former pastors kid. We were always at church, not just on Sunday’s but throughout the week. We were always volunteering to lead something or help with something. But, as much as things looked great, things were not. I wish I could say we were treated well as the pastors family. Unfortunately, that would be a lie.

I don’t want to go into too much detail. So, I’ll be vague due to privacy.

First off, putting on an act is very easy for some people. I’ve seen many people in the church put on a show. They act like they are for you. They want to become your best friend. They act like that. Then, they turn around and talk about you behind your back. They do whatever they can to make sure you’re miserable. I’ve been around when someone in a head position started talking trash about my dad while I’m standing there. A church member grabbed me by the arm. All because, they disapproved of a tattoo I had gotten when they saw it.

One thing about when you’re a pastors kid, you hear about the problems that are going on at the church. But also, when the church members would attack my dad, they really were attacking all of us.

I have to say when we finally moved, I didn’t rush to find a church. When I had gotten my own place, I didn’t rush to find a church either. I wasn’t turning my back on God and walking away, I just needed time. God knows my heart. He knows it better than I know it. I wanted to make sure I was in the right space of mind.

I found a church online that I started watching. I will tell you this. I listened online for months. Then I felt the Lord telling me that it was time to start going in person. So, I started going in person. On Sunday, I realized the healing isn’t finished yet. I still feel afraid to fully express myself, let myself be me. I realized I still feel a little trapped and not completely free. I am unsure if this makes sense. Still, it is the only way I can express what I felt on Sunday.

I know, in time I will feel free. It’s progress just walking into a church.

So, whatever you are going through that you still need to heal from. Just know, it takes time and we can’t rush it. You are not alone in your healing process.

You Are Loved!